2015 ended yesterday, I always felt that one year passes too quickly, however this one ended especially quick. The year ended by leaving more questions than ever, some of which that I should have figured out earlier in life I suppose.
In 2015 I changed my career, if people ask me "why?" I'd probably answer like how George Mallory answered "because it's there". The next person will say I've done a 180 degree turn, where I would retort that I am just changing from driving a car to sailing in a boat. The career change gets me busy, to the extend that people said it changed my social life and personal life, but then have I really changed or I am just too good in controlling myself previously?
In between that I managed to pull through in helping to publish two photobooks, Saujana Sumpu by Yoppy Pieter and LAB by TFoTP Editorial team. Looking forward for more opportunities like this next year. I also write for a magazine, it was fun, waiting for the payment was not. Still more writing and editing is something that I hoped to do more often
As usual life made some unexpected turns, I made new friends, almost made some enemies. God, I hate making enemies, please don't ever do that to me. If I didn't talk to any of you, perhaps the status quo is better as compared to what could happen next, or at least that's what I like to believe in.
I also tried to fix a lot of mess, some of which couldn't be fixed and some of I can fixed. At the end of it, all of the problems left me tired and restless. I end up putting my hands and feet everywhere. In 2015, a quiet Sunday would only be a mirage, something that I desire however it's impossible to have.
This, I guess has been to put me in a lot of stress, to the extend I do no longer understand of what I want and what I need and whether I am living the life I wanted or somebody else's. I often find myself with a company of strangers who become friends and friends that almost become strangers. At its worse, I could looking up at the mirror at 3 AM, catching a glimpse of my eyes where the reflection said back to me "What the hell are you doing?" At its best? well I guess it has yet to come.
Amidst all that, I could still stand at Bundaran HI last night, where the fireworks goes off one after the other. I looked at the horizons and to the eyes of Krida, Fuad and Ayu and the rest of the people there. What I see is the glimmer of hope for 2016, then I figure out I gotta have some too. At the very least to keep me move forward.
So, Here comes 2016.